my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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