What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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