He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
