Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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