Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
