your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Who died my cat blue again?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
