I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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