my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
