Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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