conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
