ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
