did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
