Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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