I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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