maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
