oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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