everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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