I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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