If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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