Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
