You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
