its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
