I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
