hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
