i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
