I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
