I can tuck mytits in my pants
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need water and some morals
Randomize
