fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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