i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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