you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
