I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
