I faked an abortion last night.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
