I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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