what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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