If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
