We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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