I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
