so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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