Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
