The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
