Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
