He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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