did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
