Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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