I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
