I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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