Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
