it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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