8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
