The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
