The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
