just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
