six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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