I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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