You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Barsexuality is the new black.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
