Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize