you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
