Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize