maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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