if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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