I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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