How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
