i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
nutella sex= disaster
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
