My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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