I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
