I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
