Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
