i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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