I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
