If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
