Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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