grandma shit on top of the toilet
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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