He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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