please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
