even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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