apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize