I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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