can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
