We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize