come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I AM VODKA MAN
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
