Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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