I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize