party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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