We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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